The applicant argued that the second woman's marriage was invalid because she, the first wife, had not consented to it: a notion upheld by the North Gauteng High Court. For the majority of these women, infertility, love marriage by husband, lack of social and financial support, and fear of divorce were the cited reasons for allowing co-wives in their marriage. Saravanan S. Female infanticide in India: A review of the literature. Christmas and having the whole family there together. mortality is outrageously high and t You feel stuck and feel as if you do not belong where you are. She said, "We both share the housework and I always take care of her children". In the long run, it is usually the second wife who is accepting of polygamy. The co-wives were approached from their homes. When she asked her husband, he refused to accept it. Could Your Relationship Benefit from Marital Counseling? Sometimes the first wifeis forced to accept it because of her own limited circumstances, and sometimes she declares war or leaves her husband." Bigger families imply more connections. The appropriate strategies which are purposefully working by co-wives must be enhanced with proper education and implement programmers that teach coping mechanisms and stress management. But it was a happy marriage for her with 2 children (one boy and one girl). She said, 2nd wife of my husband also helps me in daily households activities. They often include not-so-subtle warnings about what's to come, designed to keep you strong and united in the face of conflict, change, hardship, kids. Stanford University Press. She said, "Emotions change with priorities". Your wedding is your wedding and you can do whatever you want. Eva wasnt happy, but her husband went ahead and traditionally married the two women without her consent. There was a higher prevalence of somatization, depression, anxiety, hostility, paranoid ideation, psychoticism, general symptom severity, positive symptoms total, and psychiatric disorder, as well as lower ratings of life and marital satisfaction, family functioning, and self-esteem among polygamous wives [ 12 ]. She said, there was a time when I thought no one in the world was in my favor except God". And there remains a slight sense of imbalance. Mrs. Kamal reported "in the beginning when I thought about the second wife, I engaged myself in different activities because it always hurt me." Later on, she came to know her husband has married her with the support of his family for a male child. They must be educated through different seminars and programs to cope with the stress and manage other consequences of polygamy. 2015; 12(3): 267-289. Your spouse has lost their first wife either to divorce or death, both of which bring immense, albeit very different, pain and coping mechanisms. 1. Mrs. Amir (second wife) and Mrs. Kamal (first wife) were felt lonelier and criticized by their family because of infertility and the new wives were getting more privilege socially and financially because of having children. READ MORE:Customary law know your rights. It means if your husband is a citizen or green card holder, he. What Is Marriage Coaching? Conclusion: Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. Lateron, both married. "I'm in a traditionalist polygamist relationship. Formal permission was taken from the institution for data collection. This can make for a challenging home life from day to day. Mrs. Tanveer (first wife) has accepted the co-wife relationship because to her religion has allowed the man for multiple wives. Maybe it was because I didnt have anyone in mind when I approached her I wasnt cheating on my wife, Id never do that.. Yet there are many other cultures that support a mans choice to take more than one wife and believe it is something that can benefit the women as well. Mrs. Kamal due to the age factor she was very distressed at the time of her husbands' 2nd marriage but with time she accepted this relationship and had a good relation with 2nd wife and with her children. It found that while 70 per cent agreed that Muslim men have a right to polygamous marriages so long as they can treat all wives fairly, only 30 per cent would allow their own husband to marry . Can I marry second wife? So finding a man who respects women like uBaba is a blessing, The two women share the home duties between them, taking turns cooking and cleaning, and their six children help with the dishes and other household duties. Method: Exploratory qualitative method was used. Understand that he couldve cheated, but rather chose something that is common in African culture. Thamsanqa says its important to make sure you really want another wife, and to thoroughly analyse your reasons. Mrs. Gulzar said "I had no option other than to make a compromise and accept co-wife because of my female kids. Ashraf story mirrors that of 25% of Egyptian husbands who, according to statistics provided by the National Centre for Sociological and Criminological Research (NCSCR), take on a second wife within three years of their marriage. Growing up my mother was abused by my father, Thembi says as she wipes away a tear. Since this is nobody's tremulous, maiden love affair, get ready to handle some emotional baggage as a second wife. Khazuyeva also has two parking spaces in an apartment building on Moscow's Mosfilmovskaya Street. I'm seven months pregnant. But that doesnt mean that they arent a little wounded. You didnt grow up thinking; I cant wait until I meet a divorced man! composed of two imperfect people. Second marriages are like that. A qualitative methodology was adopted to explore the experiences of polygamous women. Data was collected from 11 polygamous women who consented to an in-depth interview. She got a marriage proposal from a married man to be his second wife as his first wife had a medical condition due to which he had not been able to sleep with her for last 11 years. Too many people are dying because of the conflict between monogamy and polygamy. Co-wife conflict and co-operation. One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, 2. Second theme: outcomes of polygamy as jealousy, unhappiness, and loneliness due to injustice, by the spouse were explored as potential pitfalls of polygamy. But when a man marries for the second time he knows what he's getting into. Another common stereotype that is associated with females is to give birth to only female children which increasing the ratio of female infanticide because some men are in favor of only male children. She explained" in the beginning, my husband ignored me and my daughters and reduces the monthly income for my children. Community awareness of the effects of polygamy on women through media campaigns is a beginning step. Mrs. Gulzar who was 36 years first wife told as she came to know her husband has a hidden marriage with Miss Nasreen. Mrs. Kamran was the 2nd wife, working in a hospital. But by then, no one can picture you without that first friend. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. Normally the husband stays in the main house and then the wives have their own homes outside, Lillian explains. Journal of Moral Philosophy. How Is It Different From Marriage Counseling? ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry received 934 citations as per google scholar report, Research Article - ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry (2021), Received: 20-Nov-2021 Prevalence of mental health problems in women in polygamous versus monogamous marriages: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Lower incentive to cheat in a marriage. International Journal of Social Psychiatry. 2006; 45(3): 311330. The positive side of the study is to explore the advantages and strategies used by polygamous women were very significant. Mrs. Imam was the first wife with a love marriage and she had two female children in three years. She also never tried to snatch her husband from the previous co-wives as she said in her religion the Holy Book says A man can marry women of his choice two or three or four, but there must be justice and equality otherwise only one is enough". Following subthemes were included in these main theme categories. He didn't want to leave his first wife because they had already had 4 children together. Outcomes of polygamous marriages were a second theme generated by evaluating the relationships of co-wives. 15 Signs of a Histrionic Narcissist in a Relationship, How to Make an Anxious Avoidant Relationship Work: 15 Ways, 15 Signs of Narcissistic Parents-in-Law and How to Deal With Them, 15 Signs of a Clinically Covert Narcissist Husband, Why Do I Attract Narcissists: 10 Reasons & Ways to Stop It, Denial Stage of Grief: Signs and How to cope, 10 Ways to Deal With Your Husband Not Wanting You, 5 Ways to Fall Out of Love After Infidelity, Treading Carefully: Getting Back Together After Separation, 3 Ways Separation in Marriage Can Make a Relationship Stronger, 10 Things You Must Know Before Separating From Your Husband, 12 Steps to Rekindle a Marriage After Separation, How to Combat the 5 Glaring Effects of Anxiety After Infidelity, How to Have a Trial Separation in the Same House, Feeling No Emotional Connection With Your Husband, How to Get Back Together After Separation, 6 Ways to Tell if Someone is Lying About Cheating, 5 Signs That You Are Living in a Toxic Marriage, 7 Important Tips to Build Trust in a Relationship, 10 Effective Communication Skills for Healthy Marriages, 20 Signs of a Married Man in Love With Another Woman. She does not have an apartment . They adhere to the rules that all three of us set for them, like normal children. Zakhele walks in with his youngest brother, Thembekile*, 2, in his arms. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. Why is it higher the second time around? She described that she was completely alone with her daughters after her husband's second marriage. How Psychologically Conditioned Rats Are Defusing Landmines, The Innate Intelligence Observed in the Dying Process. Love marriage: Love marriage is a very common reason for co-wives [13]. This practice of taking on another wife while still married to the first one is called polygamy, not to be confused with origami - which is the art of folding colored papers. Instead it is the familiar routine of waking to an arm around your waist, the companionable bathroom talk with mouths full of toothpaste, and the idea that someone will know if you dont make it home at night. So why is the phrase second wife so unnerving? Lillian takes care of the children and is responsible for the admin of the taxi business, and Thembi still works as a nurse. As she stated, "out of sight, saying of mind.". ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry ISSN: 2231-7805 (In Print)E-ISSN In 1994, the Haryana Panchayati Raj Act disallowed people with more than two children from contesting local elections. At that time her 3rd husband supported her emotionally and financially. Go figure. Theyre all equal and these two women are their mothers equally. Some second wives may have unknowingly become #2 and had thought they were in monogamy, until the husband plucks up the courage to reveal they have . In Pakistani culture, infertility can be one of the reasons but exploring other factors like love marriage and family pressure, and religious reference are also common factors. Thats irresponsible. Evelyn, who has a four-year-old son, now works as a waitress to help her mother with the legal fees for her divorce. 2006; 35(1), 46-61. Exploring the mediation effects of anger rumination and willingness to forgive on the association between self-compassion and romantic jealousy. She was blended with her husband by love marriage. Disadvantages (Demerits) Of Polygamous Marriage 1. Six were first (senior) wives, four were second wives, and one was the 3rd wife in status. A nurse brought me this far she took me into her arms and her home and decided she would be my mother. The first theme was generated from the verbatim of the first question which was asked to polygamous women. One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, people are far less accepting of a second wife. I wouldn't go through the same experience again," he says. Mediterranean Journal of Social Sciences. The Review of Economic Studies. The strength of the study is an attempt to seek the coping strategies of co-wives to deal with such relationships in the Pakistani context. Resource-defense, scarcity of men, and countering a high pathogen load, and cultural determinists posit religion and gender discrimination as factors of polygamy in these countries [15]. But Im his last.. I grew up as an only child, and I always knew I wanted a lot of children, but my wifes pregnancy with the twins was very complicated. Mrs. Gulzar was another first/senior wife having three daughters. Mrs. Amir had no baby so she said, "It's Allah's plan for me and I have accepted my fate". Im raising my son to be a responsible man who will not look down on women, like my father does, she says. 1.Why your spouse (husband) preferred 2nd or 3rd marriage? Limited-Time Deal on Marriage Course. She stated, I allowed a co-wife in my marriage because I was not able to have more children after my second child. It is permissible for women and their family guardians to stipulate a condition in the marriage contract that the husband may not marry a second wife against her will.
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