Turn it off and watch the pilot start sweating. Navy and CG Say HOOOOOYAH! DeFrigNo! I just shut down two engines, kid" came the sarcastic reply. 75+ Top Military Jokes for Every Branch | Thought Catalog I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. Its a NO FLY zone! 3. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the A friend paid my mother a visit. Germany's military 'Zeitenwende' is off to a slow start What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! A military warrant officer saying Okay now watch this shit. Between all the service branches there is a friendly rivalry that will always create jokes among the various branches. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. I just put them all together for your amusement. Good news and bad news, my instructor said. How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? You might be in the Coast Guard if you think of Fridays as field days. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. Caller: Is Sgt. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. Auld Lang Slice There was one particular sergeant that worried about everything possible. When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. Caller: Is Sgt. What did the Navy dentist put on his license plate? Sure enough, a few weeks later, I lost my key. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". She told me she warships them. "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. Basically, if you click on a product link on this site and buy that product we get a small commission at no extra cost to you. "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. Pictures Archives - Aviation Humor What do you call someone who joined the military out of spite? But 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in search of fallopian tubes While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. However, one day he came into the room whistling with a smile on his face. Home Blog 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition). Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. It does look like its been fished out from the bottom of the sea.. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all, as they should be. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. Reliable sources report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. Some of the jokes on this list you may not fully understand or appreciate unless you were actually in the military, but most of them I think anyone can appreciate. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. ", The student replied, "When I was number one for takeoff sir", 51. Meanwhile, the sergeant glared at the others. Jokes Archives - Aviation Humor Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. He thought he would be home about 13:30. You might be in the Coast Guard if you claim to have every woman in the port, yet youre at an ashore unit. 65. At least SEVEN Cs! Their one extravagance: a bare light bulb theyd hung from the ceiling. One guy was reading a newspaper article from back home about a congressional investigation into why some troops were living in relative luxury. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Military Jokes Military Humor - Military News Humor Photos Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Read more. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? 4. I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. military aviation humour - Pilotfriend Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . I am so happy you are risking your life for the USA! I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?, Without hesitating the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth! Even his son turned up. I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. If it doesnt move, pick it up. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. Turns out we were supposed to shoot around it, not hit it. Patrick McSherry. He had the same plane as yours. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. The two lads objected strongly. The sergeants reply: Completely, sir.. Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. ! The real definition of USCG is Uncle Sams Confused Group.. Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. The INFANTry! Multi Engine Training Manual When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash, 48. Gary Toohard. Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! Are you sure you followed the recipe?. Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil. Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. with someone braver than you.'. A lieutenant stood up and asked, Is that 24 hours our time or 24 hours their time?. A Soldier and a Marine were sitting next to each other on a plane. It was always selling out, and I could never keep it in stock. !An angry voice finally replied, My name aint George!. Better Housing, Health Care, Pay and a Call for National Service Needed This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. So I quit ordering it.. Dear Soldier, If youre having a rough day, remember the most important thing in life is to be yourself. 49. Just Some Insults Learned In the Air Force 'Bot' Tries To Write An Airline Safety Video. 54. You divertyour course! 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off Unless you're a pilot, an aeronautical engineer, a hang-around traveler, or simply someone who enjoys aviation, airplane jokes are surely right up your alley. 33. Full Disclosure Here. He is the Founder and . Stay out of clouds. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. Marine: Wait, stop. Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? The Soldier agreed, and when the Marine went to get his drink he started spitting in the Marines boots. MARCH! Do you have change for a dollar? These jokes are perfect for anyone in the military to laugh at. They cant seem to string three Ws together. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I was cold Im convinced my cockroaches have military training. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it ", "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. The other replied, Not me! I dont see it.. You can see why: Rodrigues there? A Flight Attendant's comment after a less than perfect landing; We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal, 17. Where are you from? The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. ", Continental 635 "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers", 53. 43. I thought I was on top of my game that day, Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. More information More like this On-time Arrival Obscure term meaning unknown, 63. I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.. Now, they are wanted for dessertion. Military 3. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal, 22. Theres a post recall and he has to go to work. What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? Laugh or cringe but please enjoy. The Marines will kill everyone inside and then set up headquarters. Hey, Im from St. Louis too! he said. 46. The reason? A Military lab has developed a pizza that boasts a shelf life of three years without being frozen, and now the Week has asked its readers to name this durable dish. USMC: OHH! One day, I was told As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. Unless you pull the stick too far back, then they get bigger again very quickly". U.S. Air Force Grounds Hundreds of Jets: Their Tails May Fall Off 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2023 Edition) - Marine Approved
