', work. The Pukers. Moral of The Drunk Story: Turning your ’empty’ shot glasses upside down on the bar is messy, annoying, and disrespectful. I should stop making age-related quips here [especially since it’s mostly at my own expense], but I’m so used to dealing with a crowd almost twice his age, and yet this little guy, barely broken into his [legal] bar-going years, had the best response to being cut off that I have ever witnessed. Or you’re just living healthy. Patron: “Why? Who are these selfless sober sweethearts and why on earth would I be addressing them in a Guide to Drunk Etiquette? }; So I guess I should say WARNING: the following may offend some readers or cause involuntary bodily reactions of your own. But if I could tell you, show you, illuminate for you how the things you are doing which you think are REALLY COOL are really very annoying; if I could tell you this during your moments of sobriety, I really genuinely feel like we could start a revolution in Drunk Etiquette! This has now happened to myself and two other bartenders I work with, making me lose all faith in humanity completely. { bidder: 'ix', params: { siteId: '195451', size: [300, 250] }}, Choose who you want to be recognized as when you want quick service at a busy bar! bids: [{ bidder: 'rubicon', params: { accountId: '17282', siteId: '162036', zoneId: '776160', position: 'atf' }},

That works too. window.ga=window.ga||function(){(ga.q=ga.q||[]).push(arguments)};ga.l=+new Date; The painful truth is that good tippers stand out. Some bars even offer free pop or juice for DDs. Unless of course you fit into one of the above kooky characters profiles… in which case I’d get one of your friends to order for you! 'buckets': [{ But last week I had the most wonderful experience, and today I have to switch things up a bit and share a lesson of what to do, as demonstrated by a patron. I'm finding myself searching for any information I can find. Tell them that tonight it’s your turn to be the DD and if they keep your pop topped off you’ll show them some gratitude. Moral of the Drunken Story: Just because you’re in a nightclub or bar doesn’t make a blatant disregard of hygiene any more acceptable. var pbDesktopSlots = [

{ bidder: 'sovrn', params: { tagid: '346698' }}, { bidder: 'openx', params: { unit: '539971065', delDomain: 'idm-d.openx.net' }}, {code: 'ad_rightslot', pubstack: { adUnitName: 'cdo_rightslot', adUnitPath: '/2863368/rightslot' }, mediaTypes: { banner: { sizes: [[300, 250]] } }, …Especially if you take your meals in the house of God. {code: 'ad_rightslot', pubstack: { adUnitName: 'cdo_rightslot', adUnitPath: '/2863368/rightslot' }, mediaTypes: { banner: { sizes: [[300, 250]] } }, iasLog("setting page_url: - https://dictionary.cambridge.org/thesaurus/sober"); When you are about to place an order at the bar, there’s no sound buffer zone in between us anymore: it’s just you, empty space in which sound can directly travel and my precious eardrums, which do not want to be pierced by your shrieks of joy.

{ bidder: 'onemobile', params: { dcn: '8a969411017171829a5c82bb4deb000b', pos: 'cdo_leftslot_160x600' }}, { bidder: 'onemobile', params: { dcn: '8a969411017171829a5c82bb4deb000b', pos: 'cdo_rightslot_flex' }}, I was greeted by her terse unsmiling face. { bidder: 'appnexus', params: { placementId: '11654208' }}, { bidder: 'onemobile', params: { dcn: '8a969411017171829a5c82bb4deb000b', pos: 'cdo_rightslot_flex' }}, 'max': 30, googletag.cmd.push(function() { ( Log Out /  var mapping_houseslot_a = googletag.sizeMapping().addSize([963, 0], [300, 250]).addSize([0, 0], []).build(); ga('set', 'dimension3', "default"); userIds: [{ The following story features an unfortunate bouncer we shall call Joe. ', vomit, what. What is the word for the opposite of being high? Why is this such a big deal, you ask?

But I bet I can make it worse than you thought it would be. Unless it’s Journey, and then there is no appropriate place for it. We’re not making you wait on purpose. { bidder: 'criteo', params: { networkId: 7100, publisherSubId: 'cdo_topslot' }}, It’s just the nature of the business. Tip. Despite our best attempts at being completely anti-social, words kept filtering into our ears over and over: namely, ones to do with the Christian religion;  but they were interspersed amongst heated, gossipy exchanges about the new girl on the scene, dirty jokes, or one woman’s past as a head cheerleader; the local cloth’s version of Sex and the City.

Didn’t think so. I’m not asking you to keep your elbows off the table or remove your hat or any other such social conventions; please, by all means free yourselves from the chains of social norms and let loose – that is, after all, why you are there in the first place. var googletag = googletag || {}; Three out of the four people politely put their discarded lemon into the used shot glass [how very Canadian of you, thank you], while Neanderthal Friend number four puts his chewed-up citrus directly on the bar top. }, iasLog("criterion : sfr = cdo_thesaurus"); Change ), You are commenting using your Facebook account. { bidder: 'pubmatic', params: { publisherId: '158679', adSlot: 'cdo_leftslot' }}]}, But being DD is different from just staying sober. Only a few short hours after the Opposite of Sober‘s virgin post I was back at work behind the bar personally assuring myself that the world does indeed need this Guide to Drunk Etiquette. { bidder: 'appnexus', params: { placementId: '11654174' }}, Thanks for taking care of us!”, all the while pushing more money into my hands.

iasLog("exclusion label : wprod"); Often overlooked, DDs choose to remain sober to ensure their friends and loved ones can get to their destinations safely after [and sometimes before] indulging at the bar; a free-because-I’m-your-friend kind of taxi service. Now, where we were? { bidder: 'triplelift', params: { inventoryCode: 'Cambridge_HDX' }}, Do I really need to go into detail with a heading like that? name: "idl_env", The ‘Secret’ Pissers. Unless they’re my employers….

Beat around the bush as much as possible in order to determine if she may actually be pregnant. I most likely can actually hear you, even if you don’t think I will be able to, or I can lip read or mime or get you to mash at a menu, but I don’t need you holding me close to successfully take your order. I’m talking about the guys who go, “Baby, Baby, Baby, whooaaa!” – errr, I mean, the guys who try to get my attention by yelling “Baby”, “Babe”, “Honey”, “Hun”, “Sweetie” or some other such variation that is not my name. Add the power of Cambridge Dictionary to your website using our free search box widgets. There are other characters who fit this list, and I’m sure you can think of a few yourself. { bidder: 'sovrn', params: { tagid: '346693' }}, } { bidder: 'criteo', params: { networkId: 7100, publisherSubId: 'cdo_btmslot' }},

Some straightedge people receive a bad rap for being a little elitist and holier-than-thou when around drinkers, but they tend to congregate with other HTT straightedgers at hardcore shows [and they’re probably under 19. You just don’t feel like it/Any other reason possible. I can’t even begin to tell you how wrong this is, and, what’s even more wrong, how often it occurs. We fought hard for the right to wear pants, and more recently [and less with the actual feminist activism bits that matter], to dance like skanks. For instance: a group of people do shots of tequila with training wheels [or salt and lemon, in layman’s terms; and if you didn’t know we made fun of you for needing them, well… surprise!]. [Every. Change ), You are commenting using your Twitter account. { bidder: 'onemobile', params: { dcn: '8a9690ab01717182962182bb50ce0007', pos: 'cdo_topslot_mobile_flex' }}, But this is what we’re used to, and we’re excellent at communicating through the noise in a variety of ways: we lip read, use hand signals or just look at what you’re already drinking. Clean up your recycled citrus rind or run the risk of your bartender being a sour puss! Yeah we all know this guy. What I’m trying to say is, not only do I REALLY not want to see your version of the infamous Lindsay-Lohan-exiting-a-cab picture; it is offensive to my sensitive eyeballs, and, to be brutally honest… honey, it’s been done. but in the moment just feel too ‘free spirited’ to really give a damn what social codes demand. { bidder: 'criteo', params: { networkId: 7100, publisherSubId: 'cdo_leftslot' }}, The Poo-cano. Me: “Sorry hun, I can’t serve you any more alcohol.” As a rule of thumb, simply remember: every time you snap at me is one less bartender who will serve you! What I do take issue with is when I see what panties you’re partying in – or potentially worse, if you happen to emulate the attention-hungry lost-starlet type. dfpSlots['topslot_b'] = googletag.defineSlot('/2863368/topslot', [[728, 90]], 'ad_topslot_b').defineSizeMapping(mapping_topslot_b).setTargeting('sri', '0').setTargeting('vp', 'top').setTargeting('hp', 'center').setTargeting('ad_group', Adomik.randomAdGroup()).addService(googletag.pubads()); One wintry night he saw a girl in need and rushed in to help her out, as she was clearly far too intoxicated. Because, amazingly, even if you do drink the absolute entirety of the shot [which isn’t always the case] and, short of French kissing that shot glass [which is not recommended by anyone, least of all the violated shot glass] there is always some liquid left; and you know what? This is not a wedding and you are not doing the chicken dance [and if you are at a wedding, dressed like that, FYI: the bride hates you]. So, how do you ensure you get great service during a busy bar night? googletag.pubads().setTargeting("cdo_pt", "entry"); The Woo-ers. Before any sort of conversation could ensue that would indicate that perhaps she wasn’t who she thought he was, he dove right in: “So,” he said casually, “when are you due?”, Melodie is not an overweight girl.

{ bidder: 'ix', params: { siteId: '195464', size: [120, 600] }}, { bidder: 'sovrn', params: { tagid: '387232' }}, var pbTabletSlots = [ He has it in his head that slamming his empty glass on the bar repeatedly is an effective way to get service. Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. You may have contributed to some of that liquid yourself! FYI: Was this you? googletag.pubads().setTargeting('ad_h', Adomik.hour); There are two things that WITHOUT FAIL should never be discussed in a drinking establishment: religion and politics. Live it. Have any of you watched it? { bidder: 'pubmatic', params: { publisherId: '158679', adSlot: 'cdo_rightslot' }}]}, Not sure if he had the club confused with the Palms Las Vegas [easily done, I’m sure] but I told him I had just opened and he would be clearing out all of my change with that bill; did he have something smaller?



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